New York State of Mind

So, we're back from our little New York "vacation". People have been asking us "how was your vacation?" and it's hard to know how to answer. It certainly didn't feel much like vacation. It was pretty damn exhausting, actually. Every night when we finally put the girls to bed, Kathy and I would be drop-dead exhausted. The kind of exhausted where you can't talk and you just collapse on to the couch and stare blankly into space. Or stare at whatever movie was showing on the FX channel. I know it's a cliche for parents to say that they need a vacation to recover from vacation, but seriously, when we got back to San Francisco, Kathy and I needed, like, a sabbatical. Or at least a few stiff drinks.

As a couple days have now passed and we've gotten a little distance, we're starting to see that our trip wasn't all bad. It was actually a varied collection of highs and lows:

HIGH -- The Airport: Leah and Riley apparently love airports with intensity of a thousand suns. And it's not because they like watching planes taking off, or because they like metal detectors or luggage or crabby security people. For no apparent reason, these girls just like being in an airport. As we rolled our stroller into SFO, Leah and Riley were bouncing up and down in their stroller seats in eager anticipation, like they were on the beginning of a Disneyland ride or something. They would say "wheee!" or "yay!", not because we were pushing the stroller fast or anything, but just out of the pure joy of being in such a wondrous place as the San Francisco International Airport Jetblue Terminal. And then when we got to the gate, we took them out of the stroller, and, man, the fun really started. With their faces lit up with glee, Leah and Riley ran around the gate for a full half hour, yelling and giggling like schoolgirls, stopping occasionally to render a heartwarming smile at one or more of the strangers waiting to board. They basically charmed the pants off all the travelers on our flight, which was a good thing a few hours later, when our daughters started turning to the Dark Side. Which brings us to...

LOW -- The Airplane: So, I usually don't give advice in this blog, but in this case I have to make an exception. Kathy and I decided that it would be a good idea to save money and buy just two seats on our flights and just keep our daughters in our lap for the whole flight. To anyone out there considering doing this with your toddlers, I say, for the love of God, don't do it. Seriously, do not, under any circumstances, do it. I cannot emphasize this enough.

You don't realize how squirmy and uncooperative your children can be until you try to keep them on your lap for six hours. And then if you're lucky, your child finally falls asleep in your lap, and you think for a moment that everything's great, until you realize that - uh oh - your left arm's asleep. And - uh oh - your right leg and right butt-cheek are asleep. And somehow, remarkably, half of your crotch is asleep. And - uh oh - if you make any attempt to restore circulation to your dead limbs, you will wake up your daughter and the sleeping angel in you lap will turn back into squirmy serpent-beast.

Just don't do it. This concludes this public service announcement.

HIGH -- The Sidewalk: Boy, our girls sure did like the sidewalks of New York. They didn't particularly notice or care about the tall buildings or the taxis whizzing by or the millions of people walking around, but they sure did like the sidewalks. Not sure why the sidewalks of New York were so much more appealing the sidewalks of San Francisco, but really -- they liked walking on the sidewalk almost as much as walking in the airport. They would run down the block, squealing and giggling, then stop occasionally to touch a fire hydrant or standpipe or parking meter, gaze back at mommy or daddy with a look that said "ohmigod - this thing is SO cool", then take off again down the block toward the next hydrant/standpipe/meter. If it hadn't been raining so much while we were in New York, the girls would've been totally happy spending the whole vacation just walking around on the sidewalk.

LOW -- The Restaurants: Since this was New York, we ate out pretty much every meal, and the girls decided to rebel by seeing which one could create the biggest mess. Leah was usually the big winner, as she became obsessed with dunking things in water that shouldn't be dunked in water (e.g., pancakes, french fries, toast) and/or pouring water on things that shouldn't have water on them (e.g., menus, the floor, her high chair, daddy's pants). Whenever we tried to separate Leah from water, she responding by emitting this extremely high-pitched squeal that bored like a drill into the brains of all the surrounding restaurant patrons. Meaning that Leah and her water would swiftly be reunited.

Anyway, you get the picture -- it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. We really enjoyed seeing all our New York friends and showing off our charming but kinda gross daughters. But we would like to apologize profusely to the restaurant cleaning staffs and restaurant patrons in the diners of the Upper West Side. We are truly, truly sorry.

And now here's a nice little moment from Kathy's parents apartment in New York:


And an obligatory picture (thanks Patricia) of Leah and Riley walking the New York sidewalks in their puffy pink marshmallow jackets, with Leah apparently trying to hail a cab: