Up in the Air
So, the big story in our lives right now is that next week we're going on our very first plane trip with the girls. And no wimpy little 1-hour flight to LA or Reno or Las Vegas for us, we're going all in -- that's right, 6-hours, SFO to JFK, baby! Awwww yeah!
Kathy and I are -- how shall I put it -- petrified. We're talking nightmare-inducing fear. I know, we're capable adults here -- the thought of sitting in a chair with our beautiful daughters in our laps for six hours should not strike fear and dread into our hearts. And yet.
The secret to flying with your toddlers, I believe, is to not give a rat's ass about the fact that your screaming children are disturbing the poor unfortunate person sitting next to you. I mean, if you don't care about disturbing people, you're pretty much home free, right? I mean, if I had to be trapped at home on the couch with the girls for 6 hours for some reason and there was no one else around, it would be kinda unpleasant and all, but it would hardly be the stuff of nightmares.
My problem is that I do give a rat's ass about the person next to me. I wish I didn't, but I do. When we're at a restaurant and my daughters are playing "Let's See Who Can Bang Their Spoon on the Table the Loudest" and the people at the table next to us look annoyed, I give a rat's ass. When the girls throw their toys and they end up under those people's table and one of them hands them back to me with an icy smile, I, unfortunately, give a rat's ass.
If there were a not-giving-a-rat's-ass pill I could take right before the flight, I would take it. Actually, come to think of it, there are lots of not-giving-a-rat's-ass pills out there, but they're probably not very conducive to, ya know, watching over your children.
Besides the whole screaming baby disturbing everyone on the plane issue, I also find myself very worried about the little logistical things. Like, Kathy's going to have Leah on her lap and I'm going to have Riley on my lap, and we're going to be seated across the aisle from each other. So what do I do when I have to pee? Do I have to take Riley into that tiny bathroom with me? Do I leave her in the seat and let her fend for herself for awhile? Do I put her in Leah's lap? On Kathy's shoulders? And how do I grab something from your bag under the seat when I've got a baby in my lap? Am I going to be accidentally bonking Riley's head against the seat in front of us over and over and over? The dilemmas are endless.
We'll survive, I suppose. Nobody ever spontaneously burst into flames because their children disturbed a bunch of people on a plane. At least I've never heard of that happening.
And as my girls scream their heads off while 30,000 feet in the air, I'll have the comfort of knowing that at least I get to write about this later in my blog.
posted by Dave @ 4:44 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
Seriously? The girls look ridiculously huge in that picture. They are growing too fast!
You will survive the flight. Take comfort in knowing that most of the people on that flight to whom you are giving the asses of rats have probably gone through the same thing at some point in their lives. Think of all of those times when you had to sit next to the crying baby on the plane...I'm sure you spent more time feeling bad for the parent than being annoyed.
A very kind flight attendant once told me, "Who cares if your kids scream? You'll never see these people again!" You and Kathy will survive the trip, and you'll be glad that you did it. Take it from a woman who once flew cross country by herself with a 7-week-old and a twenty-two-month-old.
So, I would try to switch seats with person seated next to Kathy... Trust me, they'll thank you later. See if the flight is not full and if so, see if you can leave an empty seat between you. I have flown with a two year old and a 15 month old, alone, to Hawaii and believe me when I tell you that having that extra seat between you and being in the same aisle is the way to go. Flight attendants will usually bend over backwards to try to get you what you need. Don't be afraid to ask. They are feeling a similar anxiety to yours when they see you boarding... they will be the ones fielding the complaints from the shitheads with no kids who don't understand. At the end of the day, it's true that you will never see these people again and that might be a good response to their icy stares or sarcastic remarks... "hey you, (explitive)... relax. In a couple of hours you'll never see us again". Seriously, guys... good luck.
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