Unclear on the Concept

The first basic rule of toddler-hood is that if Toddler sees somebody having fun playing with a toy, Toddler wants that toy, and dammit, Toddler is going to grab that toy, no matter what. Kathy and I see this phenomenon all the time when we take Leah and Riley to these "toddler activity rooms" at the local children's museums, where "toddler activity room" is really just a fancy term for "room with a bunch of cool toys in it." I personally enjoy watching all the parents at these places nervously hovering over their toddlers trying to prevent them from stealing other kids' toys. Inevitably, the parents will get briefly distracted and then turn back to their toddler just in time to watch little Aidan (or Liam or whoever) knocking over little Emma (or Ella or whomever) and stealing her choo-choo train (or fire engine or whatever). And then Aidan's embarrassed parents will turn to Emma's parents, smile apologetically, and say something like "Ohmigod. I'm so sorry. Aidan doesn't really get the concept of sharing yet."

It's definitely true that 16-month olds don't get the concept of sharing, but fortunately most 16-month olds have a bunch of toys of their very own waiting for them at home that they can play with to their heart's delight -- no sharing required. This is unfortunately not the case with Leah and Riley, because if they ever try to play with a toy to their heart's delight, their twin sister will come over and pry that delight right of their little fingers.

Yep, Leah and Riley fight over toys. Con-stant-ly. Basically, Kathy and I spend about 95% of our parental energy trying to prevent or break up toy fights. Right now, we have three techniques that we use to prevent Leah and Riley from fighting:

1. Distract. (As in "Hey Riley, look at this bottle of Tylenol! Isn't it WAY more interesting than Leah's monkey doll?")
2. Buffer. (As in "Daddy's going to sit right here between Riley and Leah so that they can't bite each other. Isn't that nice?")
3. Separate (As in "Hey, Leah! You know what's a really fun place to visit? The guest room! Come with me and experience the wonder!")

The most obvious strategy to prevent toy fights would be to have two of every toy, but we've found this strategy to be a big loser. When we give one toy to Leah and one identical toy to Riley, this just means that Leah will soon decide that it sure would be great to have both toys. Like, we have two fluffy pink dogs, but let's say we give one dog to Leah and one dog to Riley, and then close our eyes and count to five. By the time we get to five, Leah will be sitting there hugging both fluffy pink dogs with a big grin on her face, while Riley will be looking on, plotting which part of Leah's body she should bite first.

While the girls haven't learned to share, sometimes instead of fighting they'll negotiate a trade. Leah will trade one of her fluffy pink dogs for Riley's baby doll -- everybody wins, everybody's happy. Another parental triumph! Peace reigns in twin-sister land!

Of course, ten seconds later, Riley yells out in protest because Leah has taken back her fluffy pink dog. We watch as Leah bear-hugs both fluffy pink dogs plus the baby doll.

Peace is a very fleeting thing around here.