More Scenes From Twinhood

Scene 1: A few weeks ago. We are in a huge asphalt parking lot next to playground in the Castro. It is around noon.

• Riley finds a ball in the corner of the parking lot, one of those tiny super balls that bounce and bounce and bounce, forever and ever, until the end of time.
• Riley rotates the ball around in her hands a few times, and is completely enamored. She gets a huge grin on her face.
• Riley chucks the ball at Leah. It glances off Leah’s thigh and bounces away.
• Leah is confused at first, but then starts chasing the ball as it skitters across the parking lot. She is giggling and squealing with delight. Riley follows behind her with a huge grin.
• Leah is not hand-eye coordinated enough to catch a small, bouncing spherical object, so she takes like 15 wild unsuccessful swipes at the ball over the next 45 seconds before it finally slows down enough for Leah to pick it up off the ground.
• Leah chucks the ball at Riley.
• Riley chases the ball as it bounces across the parking lot. She is giggling like a madwoman. She clearly believes that this is the most fun game ever invented. After 20 wild swipes and about 60 seconds, Riley picks up the ball and chucks it at Leah.
• The world’s slowest and giggliest game of catch of all time continues for the next 15 minutes, spanning the full extent of the parking lot, until a car suddenly barrels into the parking lot, and I am suddenly reminded that letting 2-year-old kids run wildly around a big parking lot is probably somewhat of a parental no-no.

And scene.

Scene 2: Our living room. This past Sunday.

Leah and Riley are playing with their little plastic tea-set on the floor.

Leah suddenly stands up and walks into the corner. She gets all glassy-eyed and red-faced, and all signs point to imminent pooping. She lets out a slow 20-second long fart.

Me: (with concerned voice) Leah, do you need to go the potty?

Leah: (grunting) No(grunt)oooooo.

Riley: (mimicking my concerned tone): Leah, wanna go potty?

Leah: (grunting) No(grunt)ooooo.

Riley (using parental concerned voice): Too late?

Riley (using parental concerned voice): Wanna changey diaper?

Riley (using parental concerned voice): New diaper, Leah?

Riley (using parental concerned voice): Leah, time for fresh diapey?

Leah lets out another slow 20-second long fart.

And scene.

Scene 3: A couple weeks ago. It’s around the girls’ bedtime but we are walking home from a hugely successful playdate and dinner with their friend Sylvie. Riley and Leah are super-hyped-up and slap-happy, and Kathy and I are trying to get them home, very unsuccessfully.

Riley (stopping and pointing at Leah): Hey!

Leah (pointing at Riley): Hey!

Riley (pointing at Leah and giggling): Hey!

Leah (pointing at Riley and giggling): Hey!

Riley (now making up random words and giggling): Hey Mung!

Leah (giggling): Hey Mung!

Riley (giggling): Hey Boca Mung!

Leah (giggling): Hey Boca Mung!

Me (to girls, impatiently pointing in direction of home): Let’s go, girls! We gotta get home and get ready for bed.

Riley (ignoring daddy, spinning around in a circle): Hey Boca Boca Mung!

Leah (spinning around in a circle): Hey Boca Boca Mung!

Riley (falling down on the sidewalk, giggling uncontrollably): Hey Boca Boca Mung Mung!

Leah (falling down on the sidewalk, giggling uncontrollably): Hey Boca Boca Mung Mung!

Riley and Leah continue giggling, spinning, falling down, and making up nonsense words. Kathy and I give up and watch. A couple passes by, holding two matching car seats, obviously infant twins. They dodge our spinning little girls as they walk by.

Kathy (to couple): This is your life in two years.

Couple smiles politely. They look tired.

Fade to black.