Eight Days

Riley and Leah are now undergoing potty-training boot camp, and boy oh boy, does this camp ever suck. Can I please fast forward my life ahead a couple weeks? Pretty please?

We went cold turkey on the diapers last Monday, so we’ve been doing this potty-training thing for eight loooong days. Here’s a recap:

Days 1-2:

• Leah becomes the Peeing Machine. We put her on the toilet. She pees immediately. Kathy and I rejoice and tell her how proud we are of her, and Leah is beaming with pride. Five minutes later, sitting on the couch, Leah pees again. So we sit her on the toilet again. She pees. Five minutes later, sitting on the carpet, she pees. So we sit her on the toilet. She pees. The girl has an endless reservoir of pee.
• Meanwhile, Riley becomes the Pee-Holding Machine. We put her on the toilet. No pee. We sit her there for a half hour, reading book after book after book to her. Still no pee. We give up and let her play for awhile, waiting for the inevitable bladder explosion, but it never comes. Two hours later, we’ve sat her on the potty six times and she’s drank two full cups of water, and still no pee. I begin to suspect that Riley’s pee is somehow magically teleporting itself into Leah’s bladder. Didn’t know that was part of the whole twin thing, but hey, there’s a lot I don’t know.
  

Days 3-6:

• Leah and Riley both resist sitting on the potty with white-hot intensity. They pull out every trick in their book. They cry. They flail their limbs around. They ask to sit on the “big” potty, but then you bring them to the big potty, and they say they want to sit on the “little” potty. Or you announce that it’s time to sit on the potty, and they first pretend they don’t hear you, then they say “in 5 minutes!”, then they act like they want to eat a snack first.
• Once you actually get them on the potty, Leah pees within milliseconds, and then jumps off triumphantly. Riley meanwhile whimpers on the toilet saying “all done” under her breath over and over until we have mercy on her and let her off the toilet. And then a couple minutes later, she pees herself.
  

Day 7:

• Leah’s got it down. She now acts like she’s been doing this peeing thing for years. Actually, she pees disturbingly quickly. It’s like some kinda weird excretory magic trick. She sits down, then stands up a half a second later and there’s, like, a gallon of pee in the potty, and I don’t know how it got there.
• Meanwhile, Riley’s going in the opposite direction. When we mention the potty, it’s like a declaration of war or something. Riley breaks out her entire arsenal of toddler tactics and just tries one after another, just hoping that she will wear us down eventually. It takes all of our parental energy just to get her to sit on the potty and keep her on the potty for five minutes. And it’s all for nothing, because She. Will. Not. Go. Riley’s excretory functions seem to have totally shut down. She holds her pee for hours – either that or she is somehow smuggling it out of her body when our backs are turned. Plus she somehow hasn’t pooped in the past six days, just out of shear willpower.
  

On the plus side, Riley seems genuinely proud of Leah’s accomplishments, and not the slightest bit jealous or resentful. After Leah goes to the potty, Riley beams and proudly proclaims “Leah went pee-pee in the potty!” then turns to Leah and brightly says “Good job, Leah!”

It’s cute, I guess, but trust me, it ain't cute enough to make up for the past eight days.