Our Unintentional Social Experiment
As parents of infant twins, our primary objective is survival. Okay, it's pretty much our only objective. We're just trying to survive through the day without screwing up our babies or losing our sanity. Anything that makes that any easier is pretty much a-okay in our book.
Sometimes, in the name of survival, certain parenting principles go out the window. Like Twin Parenting Rule Number 1: You're supposed to be treat your twins equally and consistently, applying the same parenting rules to each one, with no favoritism toward either twin. Sounds like a great rule, right? How could anyone possibly argue with that rule?
Well...
Exhibit A: When Leah starts fussing, she can often calm herself down by sucking her thumb. When Riley starts fussing, we know that she will fuss louder and louder, until the fussing turns into crying and the crying turns into screaming and the screaming turns into atomic meltdown. So, if Riley's fussing, we always run to comfort her immediately. But if Leah's fussing, we adopt the ol' wait-and-see attitude and hope that she quiets down on her own.
Exhibit B: Riley gets upset when she senses that your attention is not 100% focused on her and her only. Leah, on the other hand, is pretty content to babble to herself or play on her mat as long as you check in with her once in awhile. So, if there's only one parent and two babies around, about 70% of the attention gets showered on Riley, and Leah gets the leftover little attention scraps.
And the list goes on and on.
The verdict, at least according to the parenting books, is that we must be BAD parents. And we know it. But we keep on doing it, because dammit, it's pretty tiring to keep up with twin infants even when they're both happy. When they're unhappy - well, it gets exhausting pretty darn fast. So if we have the opportunity to reduce the frequency or length of the baby freakouts by, let's say, 25%, um - we're pretty much gonna go for it.
Besides, it'll be an interesting social experiment. Will letting Leah fend for herself more make her more independent, or will it make her regress in a bid to get more attention from her parents? Will the extra parental attention make Riley feel more secure or will it make her crave attention even more? Intriguing questions that are just begging to be answered. That's right, kids -- it's all for the advancement of science!
Exhibit A: When Leah starts fussing, she can often calm herself down by sucking her thumb. When Riley starts fussing, we know that she will fuss louder and louder, until the fussing turns into crying and the crying turns into screaming and the screaming turns into atomic meltdown. So, if Riley's fussing, we always run to comfort her immediately. But if Leah's fussing, we adopt the ol' wait-and-see attitude and hope that she quiets down on her own.
Exhibit B: Riley gets upset when she senses that your attention is not 100% focused on her and her only. Leah, on the other hand, is pretty content to babble to herself or play on her mat as long as you check in with her once in awhile. So, if there's only one parent and two babies around, about 70% of the attention gets showered on Riley, and Leah gets the leftover little attention scraps.
And the list goes on and on.
The verdict, at least according to the parenting books, is that we must be BAD parents. And we know it. But we keep on doing it, because dammit, it's pretty tiring to keep up with twin infants even when they're both happy. When they're unhappy - well, it gets exhausting pretty darn fast. So if we have the opportunity to reduce the frequency or length of the baby freakouts by, let's say, 25%, um - we're pretty much gonna go for it.
Besides, it'll be an interesting social experiment. Will letting Leah fend for herself more make her more independent, or will it make her regress in a bid to get more attention from her parents? Will the extra parental attention make Riley feel more secure or will it make her crave attention even more? Intriguing questions that are just begging to be answered. That's right, kids -- it's all for the advancement of science!
posted by Dave @ 12:24 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
That said, I find that Leah is inconsolable when she is hungry so when pressed with the choice, I always make Riley wait her turn to eat. Leah's cries are so rare and therefore all the more sad.
I guess treating your children differently is no different for every other parent out there. In my family, there were three of us girls who were born within four years of one another. While there are a lot of photos of my older sister, and some of me, there are "very" few photos of my little sister. This is probably not because my parents did not love Katie as much as Wendy or me, but because they were trying to survive also.
And in your case with twins, I think you're getting the opportunity to at least take equal number of photos...so at least, years later, it really does look like you showered both with equal amounts of attention.
From your attention to how your twins and you behave, I would say that you're being careful and thoughtful parents, which is the best that any parent can do. So, from a non-parent, but the child of a parent (huh?) - I say, you're doing a great job.
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