Single Baby Envy

Kathy and I love our daughters to death, of course, and wouldn't trade having twins for anything in the world. That said, there are definitely times when the ol' "Single Baby Envy" creeps in.

Last night, Kathy and I had the Single Baby Envy going big time.

Here's the scene. We're out to dinner with our friends Alex and Espe and their one-year-old son, Alex. It's a gloriously warm night in San Francisco, and we're eating out on the patio at a local restaurant. It's about 20 minutes into our meal, and Leah and Riley have slept the entire meal so far. Kathy makes some comment about how well behaved the twins are being.

On cue, Riley starts crying from her place in the double stroller. I try using the pacifier on her. Riley scoffs at my feeble attempt to silence her and starts crying louder.

Kathy takes Riley out of the stroller and tries to comfort her by holding her. Riley, now fully awake and in scary unfamiliar surroundings, starts screaming her lungs out.

Kathy tries to bottle feed Riley. Riley, apparently thinking we're trying to smother her to death using a bottle, starts screaming louder, and also now at a higher octave to ensure that her screams will carry as far as possible. Our fellow dining patrons, previously politely ignoring the screams, all simultaneously turn and glare at our table. Or at least that's what I picture in my head.

Leah, who has been peacefully sleeping up to now, is startled by the piercing shrieks emanating a few feet from her head. Leah starts grumpily fussing.

Kathy hands Riley to me and picks up Leah. I try to feed Riley, unsuccessfully. Kathy tries to comfort Leah, unsuccessfully. I hand the bottle to Kathy. Kathy tries to feed Leah. I try to comfort Riley, unsuccessfully. Thus begins an intricate but chaotic dance of passing babies, bottles, and pacifiers back and forth over plates of food, bouncing, soothing, and shushing -- all while attempting to finish our dinners. Through it all, Riley is screaming, increasingly louder, increasingly more panicked, and increasingly high-pitched.

Somewhere in the middle of the chaos, I looked over at our friends, with their single baby. They expertly took turns entertaining or feeding their son while the other parent ate, conversed, or just relaxed. Whenever one parent started to need a break, the other would step in to relieve. It all seemed so beautifully simple and effortless.

(Insert wistful sigh here.)

So, it was kind of a difficult evening for mommy and daddy. It was the kind of evening that makes you fantasize about how much easier it would be if you had only one baby at a time like everyone else.

But then, of course, Leah and Riley apparently got together and decided that they had to try to make it all up to their poor, exhausted parents. And so they went down to sleep at 9 pm and didn't wake up until 7 am, giving their parents an unheard-of ten hours of sleep.

Oh yes, those twins are sneaky.